Ba domp bom. But seriously folks. Clearly my biggest flaw is the crazy wacky in-laws I married into. I mean, really.
No, not really. I just need an excuse to post my Father-in-Law’s latest ramblings on this particular day. May I present to you the comic stylings of The Father-in-Law in:
FUN FACTS AND FRIENDS
Today I’m in the mood to share some mildly interesting fun facts as well as tell you about some friends I’ve met along the way. True, my facts may be more fun than factual and my friends are not remotely politically correct, but I’m not a politician and they aren’t either.
FUN FACT: The chubby little girl dancing in the bumblebee outfit in the background of Blind Melon’s video from 1993 was a prepubescent Rosie O’Donnell. There now, that wasn’t too painful was it?
I had a friend from high school whose girlfriend was, shall we say, very friendly. She failed her driving test three times because she couldn’t get used to being in the front seat. That same guy grew up in a bad neighborhood and told me that instead of having drive by shootings, the bad guys would walk up to you and insert the bullets manually. I really don’t know how I meet these people.
One of my friends dated a one-legged girl. Her name was Peg. She worked at IHOP. Now that was uncalled for and I apologize.
FUN FACT: The definition of “hunky dory” is a small Italian fishing boat. This is going downhill now, but it’s this kind of stuff that keeps me up at night. This same fellow became addicted to placebos. He thought he could kick his habit, but it really wouldn’t make any difference.
If you didn’t like that last one then you’ll really hate this one. A friend-of-a-friend dated a tiny gal (little person?) He was nuts over her. He finally broke up with her because she couldn’t keep her nose out of his business. He ended up dating a girl who had been married so many times she had rice marks on her face. He broke up with her when he finally decided they had nothing in common. She donated money to the homeless and he donated money to the topless.
This last friend I want to tell you about had one of the homeliest girlfriends of any of my buddies. They used her picture in prisons to cure sex offenders. I’m out of friends, out of time, and – I’m sure – out of luck.
- The Father-in-Law
Ba domp bom.
To catch up on The Father-in-Law’s past guest posts:
To catch up on my January Blog a Day posts:
Tomorrow is the big day. The finale. Stay tuned for awesomeness and ice cream. And giant plastic rats. I kid. I kid. No, I don’t. There will be a giant plastic rat.
Question of the Day: Is your father-in-law as funny as mine? I bet not.