All bark and Bite RW

So now that the Christmas season is upon us, every blogger and their mother is making bark.  Most of them are making peppermint bark because peppermint is to Christmas as pumpkin is to Thanksgiving.

Channeling my inner SAT’s there for a minute.  Sorry.  No, I’m not really sorry, but I am sorry for apologizing when I wasn’t really sorry in the first place.

Moving on.

I have no problems with bark.  Unless it’s the dogs’ incessant barking, which I swear they do these days non freaking stop.

Anyway, moving on again.

So like I said I have no problems with bark.  I really like bark even.  Supermom posted about some peppermint bark she had made the other day and even brought some of the bark to me!  The actual bark!  From her blog post!  How often does that sort of thing happen?  Okay, when you have great blog friends like I do it happens more often than you’d think.

Moving back on.

I ate the peppermint bark.  Willingly and happily.  I did share a smidge with my mom and dad and a few teensy pieces with the toddler, but the rest I ate willingly and happily.  All by myself.  No, I did not share with The Husband.  I didn’t even tell him where it was in the cupboard.  I’m (not) sorry honey.  What?  No more apologizing when I don’t mean it.  

Supermom was pretty clear when she said it wasn’t really a recipe because how could you call it that, it was so simple?  You melt some chocolate.  You melt some more chocolate.  You layer like tank tops in the spring.  Okay, she didn’t say the tank top part, I added that.  What?  It’s been snowy lately and I thought a nice spring reference might melt a few icicles around here.

Moving on.  Yet again.

I got to thinking.  If everybody was making bark then maybe I should be making bark too.  Being a food satire blogger yet also a blogger who wants people to find some useful content every now and again I decided to make a non-recipe bark solely from stuff I found in the pantry.  A bit of satire.  A bit of practicality.  A bit of taste.  Okay, a lot of taste.  What?  Bark is chocolate and who doesn’t like chocolate?

First up I found a big bag of Ghiradelli 60% chocolate chips I’d purchased from Sam’s Club.  SCORE!  Now I just needed some mix ins.  I found:

Peanut Butter Panda Puffs Cereal (gluten-free if anybody cares)

Mini Marshmallows (from Thanksgiving)

Trader Joe’s Banana Chips (a gift from a friend)

Kind Granola (for all the time)

That’ll do pig, that’ll do.  No, there’s no bacon but bacon would be awesome.  Next non-recipe bark for sure.

PB Marshmallow Cereal Bark Title RW

Non-Recipe One: Peanut Butter Marshmallow Cereal Bark

Non-Recipe Haps: Put a cup of cereal and a cup of mini marshmallows in a parchment lined 8×8 pan.  Melt 2 cups chocolate chips in a double boiler and pour over the cereal marshmallow mix.  (I held a bit of chocolate back for the next non-recipe.) Refrigerate till firm then break into pieces and store in a sealed container.

Banana Bark Title RW

Non-Recipe Two: Banana Bark with Granola

Non-Recipe Haps:  Put some banana chips on a parchment lined tray or a silpat.  Drizzle the reserved chocolate from the previous non-recipe.  Sprinkle over some granola.  (try to make it the small pieces rather than the tasty large chunks Sweetey Petey prefers to nibble on.)  Refrigerate till firm then break into pieces and store in a sealed container.

I was all set to tell you that the Banana Bark with Granola is far superior to the Peanut Butter Marshmallow Cereal Bark when The Husband informed me he liked the cereal bark better.  I liked the bananas better.  So I suppose it’s just a matter of taste!

So may I suggest this holiday season you either melt some chocolate and dump it over some stuff you find in your pantry or find yourself some fabulous friends to make bark for you and drop it off to your front door.  You can let them in if you want, I did.  I mean Supermom brought two cute kids and a birthday present plus some new Thirty-One items so how could I not really?

Happy holidays from my food satire blog to . . . well, not yours because I don’t know anyone else with a food satire blog.  So just YOU!

– Joanna

Question of the Day:  Quick, what’s in your pantry?  What could you make bark with?? 


  1. mmmm butterscotch maybe? I love butterscotch! And I LOVE Babe!!

  2. You had me at chocolate but lost me at silpat. Honestly, I think women just make up words to try to make guys look dumb – as if we need any help with that. I was at a meeting years ago and a woman asked me to hand her something from the credenza. I just walked around the room for a while until I thought she had forgotten about it. Hey, I went to skool for a long thyme and are edukated lots, so quit it!

  3. You don’t want to know what’s in my pantry. Not sure bark would taste so good with spruce tips or reindeer moss, so I might just have to go with your banana chip bark instead, which looks delicious!

  4. I still have some leftover chocolate. Me thinks I need to make some pretzel bark.

  5. Hmm. I think I might have some potential yummy combos in my pantry at home. By the way, did you know analogies aren’t on the SAT anymore?