** Editor’s note: Please enjoy another guest post from the Father-In-Law . . . this one is a bit more controversial than the last post as he does poke some fun at females as well as elderly male drivers. Don’t worry though, I’ll get him back for it… **
Here we go again dear readers.
I was underwhelmed with requests for another post, so here it is. I chose the topic “If I Were King”. Now that I’m retired I have the time to notice all of the things wrong with the world – and the time to fix them. Maybe you have some of the same thoughts and we could start a mini revolt in our mini kingdom. Just no thoughts of over-throwing the king!
I spend a lot of time behind the wheel these days. Most of our traveling is to destinations involving beaches or visiting our little grandson. For that reason I have at the top of my list IDIOTS WHO DRIVE ONLY IN THE LEFT LANE! Sorry for the shouting.
Ha! Look at the Father-In-Law, he loves shopping at garage sales.
Wait. This isn’t his truck. Crap.
I read a study by the California Highway Patrol who write lots of tickets for “impeding the flow of traffic”. The two main types of people who do this are termed the “Clueless” and the “Enforcers”.
The Clueless type is mostly female (sorry ladies) who claim that they drive over there 1. because the road is smoother, and 2. because there is less traffic over there. THAT’S BECAUSE THERE’S A FOUR MILE TRAFFIC JAM BEHIND YOU! Sorry again.
Ha! Look at the Father-In-Law on one foot! So funny.
Wait. All this does is prove he has excellent balance. Crap.
The Enforcers are mostly male (I give equal opportunity in my kingdom). Enforcers are usually retired men who think everyone is driving too fast, so they feel they should enforce the speed limit.
This is a take on the old saying “If it’s too loud – you’re too old”. Well old-timers, if it’s too fast – STAY HOME! Now I’m only middle aged (I plan to live to be one hundred and twenty-six), so I’m still a racey kind of guy. I can cut these gentlemen a little slack as they feel their identification and importance was lost upon retirement.
Look at our American hero John Glenn. Most people know that he holds the record for being the oldest astronaut with his space shuttle ride a few years ago. He also holds the record for orbiting the earth fourteen times with the space shuttle’s left turn signal on. Look it up.
I probably don’t have the space to continue my hit parade. Like the check writers in the express lanes, or the newly arrived species on planet earth who have never read the entire menu listings of McDonalds or Starbucks, so they’ll just take fifteen or twenty minutes to do that JUST AS IT’S THEIR TURN TO ORDER! I promise, no more outbursts.
Ha! Look at the Father-In-Law. He’s lost. So funny.
Wait. All this does is prove he’s the first male willing to admit he’s lost. Crap.
So, I know what you’re thinking. The king has only listed some problems but has offered no solutions. I’m going to start on the solutions right now. I do my best thinking out on the open road, in the left lane, possibly turning left – OR WILL I? Hahahaha…..
P.S. Stop on back tomorrow because it’s your favorite and mine, FOODIE PEN PALS TIME!!!
Question of the Day: Do you give your real name at Starbucks? I like to tell them my name is Skip.