** On this Memorial Day please enjoy a guest post from my Father-in-law, a U.S. Army Staff Sergeant Vietnam combat veteran and “normal food” connoisseur. Please note in this picture there are not only two generations of hungry Midwesterners, but two generations of Hondas as well.  (Honda – if you’d like to send a free motorcycle for us to review on the blog, please contact me.) Most of the following pics are from a father/son motorcycle trip the boys took to West Virginia. **

Don’t hold this blog against Joanna, dear readers. Someone obviously dared her to invite her father-in-law to pinch hit today’s column.  So this will be more of a bunt while you’re used to her swinging for the fences.

While I consider myself a “foodie”, I’ll have to admit my tastes go more toward food I can pronounce (and also spell). Also, it helps if my food can be handed to me through a window or delivered to me in flat boxes.

Now I’ve eaten my share of exotic foods. As a draftee in Uncle Sam’s Army during that Vietnam thing a few decades ago, I was reduced to eating monkey and fresh fish “caught” from rivers with hand grenades and drinking water by slicing into sections of green bamboo.

(Editor’s note: he was probably NOT usually smiling over there. Carry on.)

Those experiences, as well as others, gave me the world view that “normal” food was good – and have made me what I am today – a dyslexic anorexic.

I’ve recently retired as an emeritus professor after teaching for thirty-five years at Ohio’s second largest university. That means it wasn’t Ohio State; you’ll have to Google it (WE’RE NUMBER TWO – WE’RE NUMBER TWO!) This means that the Mother-in-law and I have had a chance to travel and sample a lot of regional delicacies. I can now say that I’ve had meatloaf and mashed potatoes in many, many states.

I don’t like food of unusual colors, food with eyes that look at me (unless it’s potato eyes), oh – and things that shouldn’t touch each other on my plate must maintain a respectable distance apart. I can recall with horror each time my favorite breakfast of eggs over easy and pancakes were smilingly placed in front of me WITH MY EGGS ATOP MY PANCAKES! QUICK, A SCALPEL PLEASE. After some delicate surgery I regained some normalcy to my meal.

All fish are safe from us while we’re in New England. “Crawlfish” can still crawl around while we’re in New Orleans, and crabs – well they can go on being crabby when we’re in Maryland. But if you moo, cluck or oink – watch your back.

I’ll wind this blog down with an apology to daughter-in-law for inheriting a husband who knew a good Twinkie when he saw one. Who understood the religious experience of a foot-long coney with everything, at midnight, when served over the greasy counter of a drive-in movie concession.

And was on a first name basis with most fair and festival vendors.

While this may sound a little unhealthy to all of you, readers, I’ll go on record right here that I never allowed my son’s donuts to ever come into contact with his pepperoni pizza. Honest!


Question of the Day:  Well . . . how’d I do?

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  1. Loved the post, FIL! You have quite the way with words. So…whatdaya say? Is Jo gonna give you Thursdays to entertain us all? 🙂

    • I think he should absolutely come back!! Those retirees have more time on their hands than the rest of us do anyway 😉

  2. Father-in-law

    Thanks for the kind words Bethany. I don’t know about Thursdays though, that’s usually the day I saute
    Snickers in my special hot fudge and whipped cream sauce for the week.

  3. Man, those pictures make me want to eat about six Hillbilly Hotdogs right now. http://hillbillyhotdogs.com/ That was a fun trip!

  4. I loved reading this! Mostly because I was the unofficial adopted daughter to FIL and an annoying little girl to Husband! I can recall just about every one of these meals…and have inherited the “foods don’t touch ” mentality! Thanks for yet another smile and a flash back to memories! BTW…I think a guest post once in a while will not hurt, Big Guy!

  5. Father-in-law

    Thanks Britt, We’ll always consider you an important part of our
    family. Even if you knew all of my hiding places for M&M peanuts
    and Eiler’s chocolate covered marshmallows.

  6. Well done, Sir/Father-in-Law/Mr. K. Maybe the other readers enjoyed a change (sorry, Jo! )

  7. Now this right here is an article that I have connected with.

    Well done to all parties involved, pass the donut’s and pie.

  8. Thanks for stepping in with the guest blog. Great stuff. Also – Thanks for your service to our country.

  9. Great post. The picture of pizza made my mouth water – I love green olives on pizza!

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