It’s here.

It’s finally here.

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A giveaway like you’ve never seen before.

A giveaway like no other.

A great giveaway.

The great giveaway.

The Great Chicken Giveaway of 2013.

That’s right, we’re giving away a chicken.

Right here on Midwestern Bite.

Well, sorta.

We’re sorta giving away a chicken.

Okay so it’s not exactly a chicken, per se.

It’s more like the essence of a chicken.

Okay, it’s a chicken name.

We’re giving away a chicken name.

Well, that’s not exactly it either.

We’re giving away the chance to name one of our chickens.

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That’s right.

We want you to name our chicken.

NAME OUR CHICKEN!

Please name our chicken.

So, thanks to Mike in his last chicken post, you met General Burnside.

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And Curly.

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And The Young’ins, yet to be named.

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That’s where you come in.

Win the chance to name our chicken!

The Barred Plymouth Rock.

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Isn’t she pretty?

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And adventurous.

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Once you’ve picked out your chicken name (family food satire blog friendly please) it will be painted lovingly, Big Brother style, on the chicken’s very own chicken key.

Key

To hang on the side of the chicken coop.

Decorations

For all the world to see.

Until your chicken stops laying eggs (you’ve got awhile, they haven’t even started yet) and we are forced to boot her out of the coop for her exit interview with Julie Chicken, er Chen.

I’m trying to convince The Husband to build a second coop, a retirement home if you will, for the elderly chickens to live out their days.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

But again, we’ve got a while before we have to worry about all that.

In the meantime win the chance to name our chicken!

You’re lucky too.

I wanted to have a contest where you have to answer a bunch of questions to win.

Like whether David Hasselhoff was better in Knight Rider or Baywatch.

Clearly the answer is Baywatch.

He was wearing tiny shorts.

And shirtless a lot.

There’s no debating.

But Mike convinced me to make it a straight up contest.

So leave a comment telling me you want to name our chicken.

Sweetey Petey will choose one of you.

Probably from an Easter egg.

And then you’ll pick the name.

Any name you want.

Family food satire blog friendly of course.

So go ahead.

Comment away.

I dare you.

Please play responsibly.

– Joanna

21 Comments

  1. Call her Jane Austen. That’s funny.

  2. I’d like to name your chicken!

  3. One of my duties as Head of Household will be to nominate two non-laying chickens for the literal Chopping Block. To start, I will pull a key. That chicken will be safe… And so on and so forth.

    Consider me officially entered.

    Although if I win, I promise to only submit one of my non-family-friendly chicken names, which will get me disqualified, and therefore someone else gets chosen.

  4. Her name shall be Portia – then in the after life she will be referred to as Portion….

    bwahahahahahaha….

    Great job!

  5. Izmarelda Cluckin-Meister

    My cousin-by-another-rooster hasn’t been named! *cluck..cluck…cluck* That will never do! *cluck..cluck…cluck* Hurry up folks and give her a name!

  6. I need to name that chicken!! Consider me entered!

  7. Ok, I’d like to name that chicken.

  8. you know i want to name a chicken.

  9. Bahahaha. I’m in. 🙂

  10. I’m probably never having children–which sadly means all of my great name ideas are going to waste.

    UNLESS you choose me to name your chicken.

    I’ve got a moniker all picked out…and it is EPIC.

    PLEASE pick me out of the Easter egg, Sweetey Petey.

  11. If I had even an ounce of creativity flowing through me right now, I’d enter. But sadly I’d probably end up panicking and picking a name like Bob. Which doesn’t even make sense since she is a lady.

  12. I will throw my name in for naming a chicken. 😀

  13. I would like to name the chicken, although it may be only less obscene than your husband’s. It’s a syndrome known as Degenerative Generational Regression. We can only imagine what Petey will act like in thirty years.

  14. Please tell me that you’ve read Jenny Lawson (aka the bloggess)’s book (or at least the story of Beyonce the giant metal chicken).

    • Maybe Jo has, but remember I have testicles and therefore am still just dipping a hairy toe into this whole female-dominated blog pool. After some googling, are you talking about this?

      http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

      Either way, that link is freaking awesome. Strangely enough, exactly one year ago Joanna spent hours explaining to me why we needed a 5 foot tall preying mantis some “artisan” had crafted out of junk metal selling at a local starving artists’ festival. Pretty much the only reason we didn’t buy it is because we were just moving and it would’ve been a bitch to haul. She was all, “It would send quite a message to the new neighbors”.

      Yes. Yes it would’ve.

      • Oh. Yes. That link. Right there. Both of you would enjoy her blog / book I think. And it’s comment like that that remind me that Jo, you, Mark, and I need to meet IRL at some point. He would have had the same “remember I have testicles” comment as you.

        Praying mantis would have sent some message to the neighbors. Just not sure what….

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